I’ve thought about writing a submission since the 1st post was released 2 weeks ago. I think I’ve opened the submission document at least 5 or 6 times and decided not to because I was scared. I’m still scared, but I see the vulnerability displayed by others and I want to contribute my voice. So, what I am scared of?
I am scared to say that I have an invisible disability. I am scared because I can almost guarantee that I know the person that reviews these submissions. I am scared that if people knew about it they may doubt my capabilities or question my ability to lead. And most of all I am scared of what people will think of me because my disability is one that is often joked about or used as a figure of speech.
I have struggled for a long time with my diagnosis. More than 5 years out, I still have a really hard time discussing it aloud because I’m scared it will be used against me, not be taken seriously, or that people will think that I’m using it as an excuse. Even now as I write this, I’m questioning whether or not my disability is “bad enough” to justify this submission. After-all, I've gotten this far, so it can’t be that bad… Right? Or at least that’s what I was told by a couple student affairs advisors during my undergrad…
At the end of the day, I am who I am because of my disability. It is a part of me and one that I wouldn’t part with even if I could. While I struggle in some areas and there are times I wish things were easier I am thankful for the abilities I have developed as a result of it. I am not my disability. My disability is a part of me and has in many ways been what has propelled me to where I am today. I'm not ready to publicly display my disability, but I hope that someday I will be able to talk about it without the fear that it will change how people think of me. I am still the same person with or without my label.
I am scared to say that I have an invisible disability. I am scared because I can almost guarantee that I know the person that reviews these submissions. I am scared that if people knew about it they may doubt my capabilities or question my ability to lead. And most of all I am scared of what people will think of me because my disability is one that is often joked about or used as a figure of speech.
I have struggled for a long time with my diagnosis. More than 5 years out, I still have a really hard time discussing it aloud because I’m scared it will be used against me, not be taken seriously, or that people will think that I’m using it as an excuse. Even now as I write this, I’m questioning whether or not my disability is “bad enough” to justify this submission. After-all, I've gotten this far, so it can’t be that bad… Right? Or at least that’s what I was told by a couple student affairs advisors during my undergrad…
At the end of the day, I am who I am because of my disability. It is a part of me and one that I wouldn’t part with even if I could. While I struggle in some areas and there are times I wish things were easier I am thankful for the abilities I have developed as a result of it. I am not my disability. My disability is a part of me and has in many ways been what has propelled me to where I am today. I'm not ready to publicly display my disability, but I hope that someday I will be able to talk about it without the fear that it will change how people think of me. I am still the same person with or without my label.
