I have a hate/love relationship with our Canadian healthcare system. Being a patient with chronic illnesses can seem defeating. I've had some horrific encounters including one earlier this week. I get the fear and anxiety surrounding the next healthcare encounter and whether answers and treatment will be obtained. It has left me despising the system and physicians. But those experiences motivated me to study the system, understand the restraints and get a masters in health administration and to start medical school. From all of that I have deepened my passion for healthcare and our system is at the core of what I hold dear. I'm incredibly grateful for the care I've received and fortunately have returned to a normalish lifestyle. That being said I've been fortunate to never have a truly acute experience. That changed last month. I woke up "off" I didn't know if it was a sleepless night, or a week of migraines, I knew I didn't have any of my chronic illness symptoms. Left school and decided to do some work from home. Arrived home and had my fiance ask me what's wrong with my face. Checked the mirror and had obvious facial paralysis. We rushed to the ER and in the drive I had increasing paralysis and loss of sensation down my arm. At the ER I was immediately rushed in and given the stroke protocol. I'm extremely privileged that as a med student I truly received the best of everything in a timely manner. They ruled out a stroke and I have the diagnosis of Bells Palsy. I am still continuing to get investigations to rule out a TIA. However, I've been battling the last month to try and maintain medical school with facial paralysis. I have days where I drool, start slurring and completely can't speak. In amidst this I have good days where I can study and get school work done, smile and seem perfectly normal. I've had amazing colleagues and administrators to try and work with me to help me through it. But it hasn't been easy. It isn't easy to deal with the mental drain of knowing your body has failed you at a young age. It also is not a well known disease. There is a lot of shame I have experienced for missing class and taking time to recover. This is not something that can just be "pushed through" of I can just "suck it up". I'm sharing my experience in hopes that anyone else who has had a healthcare scare of chronic illness to know you're not alone. Also to remind myself and those reading that we belong in medical school the same as anyone else. We are resilience, we have useful experiences to share and we will be relate-able and better physicians to our patients as a result.
I've shared a photo of my first outing since my encounter. We had a class medical ball. It was amazing seeing all my colleagues. It was also the first time I was confident enough with my paralysis. But also remember things are not what they always seem. By the end of the night my paralysis had returned and was not able to smile the next day again. An illness journey is complex and twisted with many turns. But in the amidst of it I was able to find some light for a few hours and hope that you can to.
I've shared a photo of my first outing since my encounter. We had a class medical ball. It was amazing seeing all my colleagues. It was also the first time I was confident enough with my paralysis. But also remember things are not what they always seem. By the end of the night my paralysis had returned and was not able to smile the next day again. An illness journey is complex and twisted with many turns. But in the amidst of it I was able to find some light for a few hours and hope that you can to.
